a meditation on & for stress

stress, in all it's forms, with all it's discomfort, is a doorway.

*guided meditation audio at the end of the newsletter*

i’m currently writing this week’s newsletter with shaky hands as i recover from two days worth, make that 6 days worth, of intense food poisoning. i asked on instagram what themes had been coming up for folks recently that they would like to meditate on and ‘stress’ was a common response. when first deciding this is what i would write on and record a guided meditation for, my first thought was “great. i have been severely stressed in my life, in the past year even, but it’s not so present for me now. i’ve also felt lots of little stresses but i’ve been managing them well. perfect time to share some thoughts and practices from a grounded place”. and then within 24 hours my stomach was doing backflips. my body under very apparent STRESS.

i’m the kind of person who, when physically unwell, surrenders fully to said illness until it passes. i also tend to get extremely emotional in this time. there is 0 separation between body and mind for me. just ask my sweet partner who has learned to nurture me through both crying my eyes out on the bathroom floor and then immediately cracking jokes on myself as i crawl back to my blanket cocoon on the couch.

linden drawn by villads - a great ally for stress

and while in this state of heightened stress to my physical, this time it being met with the responses of my body attacking this bacterial intruder from every angle until it vacated, i also felt extremely sensitive to other forms of stress: what will i eat when i’m able, how will i acquire said food if i’m too weak to walk to town, i really wanted to write a newsletter but now i can’t keep my eyes open, will i be recovered before my friend comes to visit, can i trust this fart isn’t a shart - these kinds of things you know. things that may produce a tiny stress response otherwise but that felt quite intense in this period. and with 6 days of doing absolutely nothing but laying with my thoughts (and fever dreams), i had some wild trips down memory lane that were less than nice to think about. random unsettling memories of my middle school counselor who wasn’t very fond of brown/black kids, my church youth group, times i had been embarrassed, psychological breakdowns i experienced as a teenager, all the things. and while they didn’t exactly produce much urgency in me, i think this is due to the delusional fever and nutrient deprived state i was in, i could recognize that i would likely feel stress in the aftermath.

i was right. once i was no longer in the thick of the sickness, the fever subsided and i was left with a very drained body, mind, heart…the stress rolled in. there were specific thoughts like the journey to rebalancing my gut, eating again, dealing with some quite existential thoughts that came up while i was unwell - but i would categorize these more as anxieties. looking at the stress that is taking up all the space around said things is what feels like the most compassionate thing i can do for myself right now. because neglecting that stress, not following that doorway makes it more difficult to move through the anxieties with wisdom, open ears, and grounded feet.

if the anxieties are the rooms, the stress is the whole house. if the anxieties are the garden, the stress is the soil. if the anxieties are the raindrops, the stress is the cloud.

so when i say “stress is a doorway” i mean that when we notice the tension, pain or dis-ease of stress we have an open portal right in front of us that we can step into. it’s not a mystery that something is off. it may take some uncovering to figure out where the stress is coming from sometimes if we’ve let it go on in the background too long, but i find that overarching feeling is the perfect place to start. the first balanced step.

i’ve been doing a lot of resting. not forcing the desire to create, stay up to date on my tasks or do much else really. when i woke up this morning i still felt incredibly depleted, but i was able to walk around barefoot in the garden, stretch and move my body, meditate, eat a bit, sit in the sun…and write this newsletter. i’m starting to feel like myself again and i’m so grateful to the practices i have in place for my wellbeing that can bring me back home to my body, my soul, my heart even after being shaken up. over the years this journey back home has become less troublesome, with less hills to climb and less bumps along the way. again, all due to, well, maturation and growth, but that being in the form of said mindfulness practices. so today i want to share a meditation that holds my hand through times of stress and i pray it will hold your hand, and help you to hold your own hand whenever you’re in need of that too.

find a quiet, comfy spot to sit (or however your body is able to meditate) and let’s take a moment to rest.

stress as a doorway - 15 minute guided meditation (breath work, stillness & visualization)

some other things that have been on my mind this week:

the doorway i’ve been seeing while laid up sick | san cristobal de las casas

• first of all, i was a bit skeptical about writing while not feeling my best. i mean i do it, but generally not publicly. if you read my first post you know i’m working on all things public sharing because i do have a deep desire and calling to do so. as i started writing i realized the tone of this newsletter didn’t exactly “match” the meditation that would follow (i said the word shart) - and i hesitated. but the whole goal of this newsletter is that it’s my space to show up however i am in that moment, with whatever thoughts come. and i don’t always feel particularly serious or eloquent or magical when it comes to my creativity, connection to my higher self, to spirit, to the earth, etc. sometimes i think it’s quite simple. sometimes it’s quite mundane. sometimes it is super magical, plant medicine, ancestral and my mouth is full of stardust. i have space for both and i refuse the pressure to curate something exceptional every time i feel like sharing. all of my tones are useful, all are me, and i am the walking embodiment of multifaceted in so many ways (i have some notes on this that i’d like to put into a very vulnerable newsletter someday when the time is right). and i love reading other’s raw thoughts as well, so this newsletter will continue to be both thought out, articulate essays as well as pop in, journal entry type writings like today.

• this isn’t new, but clean water is such a privilege. san cristobal struggles with clean water issues and this is why many people get food poisoning, as i did, when they travel here. there are issues with coca-cola owning water supplies, lack of proper waste sorting, etc. i’ve been doing my research and you can find lots of info online if it’s something you’d like to educate yourself on as well. many thoughts and things popping up around safe and clean water - how when i’m in europe i’m always still weary to drink the tap water even though it’s okay, how most of the world can’t drink their tap water because of the crimes of europe/america, how my partner and i plan to harvest pure water on our homestead/farm and a multitude of ideas circulating on this subject.

• my friend meketta will be here in a few days and she and i are hosting a virtual moon circle together at the beginning of next month (sunday, july 2 at 5:30pm CDMX timezone). here’s some info and the link to sign up if you’d like to join us!

sign up here!

join us sunday, july 2 for a moon circle centered around intentional habit cultivation

we’ll have space to explore, discuss and amplify ways to cultivate and sustain habits that are supportive of the life we are actively building.

during our time together we will:

꩜ find stillness in breath with meditation guided by cait (@ododoearth)

꩜ move through a yin yoga sequence curated by meketta (@meketta.renee)

꩜ explore journal prompts that are reflective and supportive of conscious habit cultivation, inspiring intentional sharing amongst likehearted women and femmes
the circle will last approximately 2 hours via video conference. come with something to write with, space to move your body & anything else that grounds & opens your heart (tea, incense, candles, comfy clothes etc.)

you’ll receive an aftercare newsletter to your email with notes, resources + follow up journal prompts to carry forth with you

you can find the sign up link in both of our bios with several options for monetary exchange

*no one turned away for lack of funds*

be sure to check the time zone in your local area when signing up (5:30pm CDMX, 7:30pm EST, 4:30pm PST)

peace,

cait <3